October 21, 2015
By Tami Rubino, BioSpace Hiring and Branding Guru
How We Think About Fear
I’ve had my fair share of scary experiences. When I was twelve years old, my family was vacationing in Wyoming at the base of the Big Horn Mountains. We had very little money so the accommodations were far from luxurious—a rustic campground filled with old RVs, tents and trailers.
One evening, after a long day exploring the Wyoming countryside and roasting hotdogs over the campfire, my mom and I headed to the community bath house to take showers. The shower room was empty, so I freely entered the middle of three stalls and my mom went into the one right next to me.
I had just started to wash my hair when I heard a truck pull up outside and then the door to the bath house opened. I don’t know what prompted me to look, but with soap in my eyes, I peeked through the curtain and what I saw made all the oxygen escape from my lungs. A man was walking into the women’s shower room! Thoughts raced through my head but all I could do was shout “This is the girl’s room! Get out of here!” My panic level skyrocketed as he kept coming toward me. The only barrier between us was a flimsy plastic shower curtain. I held the curtain tight on both sides as he got close enough to reach up with his big hands to pull it open. I screamed and he went into the empty stall next to me and tried coming over the top of the dividing wall. I crouched down, but kept yelling at him to get out! Suddenly, my mother’s adrenaline kicked in and she bellowed at the man in a voice I had never heard before. I’m sure the whole campground heard her, and it was enough that he turned and headed out the door where his truck sat idling to make his getaway.
Moments like this shape us as adults; they stem from terrifying childhood emotions that return to haunt us and paralyze our thoughts when a specific memory from the past is triggered. Regardless of whether it’s an experience like mine, a vicious dog attack, the creepy house down the street or nightmares from watching one too many horror films, we all experience fear at an early age. How we use fear and think about fear—as adults—is an entirely different matter.
Hierarchy of Needs
Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is based on the assumption that people are motivated by a series of five universal needs. The safety needs—the needs for shelter and protection—are prime motivators of human behavior. Thus, using or channeling fear as a motivator is contradictory to our internal hardwiring. In other words, if fear is present, the safety need is no longer being met, which affects performance and behavior in a very unpredictable way.
Fear is simply a perspective—a lens through which we are viewing a particular situation and in the face of fear, there are only two choices: fight or flight. Doing nothing is not an option when fear is your only point of view because your body and brain go into autopilot mode. You typically don’t even have time to think rationally or process feelings in a fear-induced situation. Thus, how you react to fear as an adult, parent, employee or citizen of your community depends upon how the limbic system of your brain assesses each particular scary situation that you find yourself in. Thus, it’s not fear that drives our decisions and behaviors every day—it’s our inherent need to feel safe.
So while you may not be able to predict or control exactly how you will react when you’re filled with fear, you can spend some time thinking about what makes you feel unsafe—such as the fear of failure, the fear of getting hurt or the fear of the unknown:
• Publicly Acknowledge What Makes You Feel Unsafe or Insecure— If you are terrified of public speaking, tell someone. You are never alone in your fear and can often find strength and encouragement from others who share your angst. It’s also a good idea for your friends, family and co-workers to know what you’re scared of— to avoid awkward moments when you get volunteered to do something that causes great anxiety or dread.
• Tell Your Inner Critic to Shut Up—Although it’s good to be humble, it’s not healthy to be self-deprecating. Human beings have the tendency to limit themselves and feed their insecurities through a negative talk track. “I’m not good enough” or “No one wants to hear what I have to say.” You cannot control what other people think or say about you, but you CAN control your own inner critic by reframing your introspection with uplifting and encouraging thoughts.
• Know Your Facts and Have a Plan—Too often we are scared of things we don’t know or don’t understand. Do your homework and avoid making assumptions. Are you scared to take that new job because you’re afraid to fail? Talk to colleagues and associates who have made similar job changes to find out what you should expect and how you can best prepare. Take the initiative to research the company and put your own 90-day onboarding plan together. Fear dissipates when you feel in control of the outcome.
• Find Courage in Others—Once I was trapped in my office by a very large spider sitting right in the middle of my doorway. All I could do was scream. To my horror, a co-worker came to the spider’s rescue, picked it up and turned it loose outside. The thought of holding a spider in my bare hand was unthinkable (and still is today) but through her bravery and unconditional acceptance, I learned to look at my fear through a different point of view.
• Make Choices and Take Action—Do what you’re afraid of over and over again. I’m not suggesting you volunteer for a Fear Factor reality show experience like forcing yourself to sit in a pit of slithering snakes. Let your need for security be your driving force to take appropriate risks and expand your horizons. Then practice, practice, practice what you believe you CAN and WANT to be good at—things that will bring joy and marketability to your life.
Fear as a Management Tactic
As leaders, using fear as a management tactic will eventually incapacitate your team. I’m not talking about performance anxiety, which actually manifests from the need to feel secure. If an employee gets sweaty palms and red-faced when they confess to you they made a mistake, their reaction is largely driven from their desire to please you and do a good a job. However, if sweaty palms and a red-face are a conditioned response because you have a history of yelling and disparaging your employees—the fear of humiliation and intimidation is very real.
Fear is an oppressive type of management with dire consequences for those being oppressed. Remember, there are only two paths to choose from a perspective of fear. Worry, combativeness, panic and procrastination are just a few of the behaviors and actions employees display when their safety and security are jeopardized at work. Making employees feel safe and supported will feed their basic need for self-preservation, thereby giving them the freedom to be fully alive, fully present and 100 percent committed to your team and your organization.
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